After a year and a half on my transformation journey, I thought it was time to do another status update. Unfortunately there are some setbacks as I can no longer argue with my scale & my clothes and have to admit… I gained some of the weight back.
The series on my new body!
On my way to a new body is a series I started about a year and a half ago. It’s also a journey I started by accident! Yes, yes… I lost weight by accident!
You can read about it in this first piece: On my way to a new body
And then in this one which was a bit funny! On my way to a new body – progress report and surprising side effects!
There was a first update with promising results after 9 months: On my way to a new body – 9 months in review
And also a yearly review where the stagnation phase was described: On my way to a new body – A year status report!
And now the stagnation has turned into a real setback, as I gained back some of the weight. But it’s not just that.
Not only my journey to a new body was started by ‘accident’, it was never about weight lost. That was just a happy development. Sure, I had, for years, a little protective cushion of fat on, which I called my ‘safety cushion’. Sure, when I started loosing it, I felt great, I was happy about it.
But my journey was mostly about taking back control of my health and one of the thing I wanted most was to get stronger.
There are setbacks on every front!
I had major tummy issues in July and part of August. My sleep patterns has become even more irregular than before. My stress level is off the roof at times. My strength has lowered. Something made obvious by Pam’s videos I used to be able to do easily and now are killing me!
And yes, I gained back some of the weight I had lost.
Yes, yes and yes, this is all very upsetting!
There are several things at play.
Clearly, for the past couple months, the virtuous cycle I had created reverted back to a slightly more vicious circle. Stress has led to sleeping issues and often not so healthy eating patterns. Sleeping issues have led to difficulties handling life in general, which in turns led to more stress. Being tired pretty much all the time also means I have not being prioritising high intensity workouts, if working out at all.
My schedule has been irregular to say the least.
But these things are all consequences, not really the roots of the problem.
As you may have read in other pieces I wrote, my partner and I bought a new apartment a couple months back and this has been extremely stressing. I’ve talked about this plenty!
Moving to a new place is also very taxing on a deeper level. My osteopath had warn me. I was skeptical because this isn’t my first move, by far! Yet, now, I know she was right, although I still can’t explain it.
In addition, my work has been hectic. You don’t triple your workload in the middle of a move without consequences! However, lately, even if it’s not a walk in the park, in truth, I really can’t complain. But there is an actual link, just not the obvious one.
Obviously, life in general is stressing and climate change alone can keep you up all night! Add the threat of a nuclear war, the constant war on women’s rights, the rise of fascism and all the things that make up the news nowadays and you won’t sleep at all again.
So what now?
There are several ways to handle the situation.
Kick myself and force myself to work out. Diet and take pills to sleep! Grind through… Not my style al all!
Wait & hope for better times to come or even accept this is it, this is the best shape I’ll ever be… No, I don’t think so!
Understand why this has happened, be mindful and take the appropriate actions… Yes! That’s me!
If you are on a similar journey and are maybe experiencing a similar setback, you may be happy to have read up to here and see you are not struggling alone. We all have heard stories from friends and on social media, how losing weight can start easy and suddenly bam, most weight comes back. Still, hearing one more story like this is reassuring!
Now, with social media and all the people selling their miracle programs, we all tend to believe that if we follow the right one, it will work. if it doesn’t work, it’s either because we didn’t do it right or it wasn’t the right program for us.
As you probably understood, I do not follow any specific program. I workout using Pamela’s videos but I don’t even follow the schedule she makes.
The main reason I do not believe in all the ready made programs out there is because these do not address the psychological reasons for weight gain in the first place and they do not take into account the real goals a person wants to achieve, the real ‘why‘. Which I think are 2 incredibly important factors for a successful body transformation. But then again, how could they?! Cleary one has to take responsibility for their own mind and troubles!
If you wish to know what I have identified so far as my psychological blocage, read on! If not, that’s ok too.
To me these are the roots of my issues and the setback I have been experiencing. And solving these is just as important as doing a killer abs workout!
The psychology of weight… my ‘why’
Again, you don’t need to read, you just should understand your own ‘why’.
I’m just telling you my ‘why’ so you have an example of what it could be. And despite seeming obvious once stated, I had to dig deep into my unconscious mind to understand!
So, here it is: I still had issue with my self worth! Yes, that’s it! That’s the root.
What’s funny is that I wasn’t trying, at the time, to understand the setback I was experiencing with my health. I was digging to understand the issues with my finances! I talked about this recently again and again!
But the link became clear. Well, it may feels weird to you to connect money and health but at least, in my case, the connection was and is still obvious. I still do not feel worthy to be physically the best I can and still do not feel worthy of the money I make.
As I mentioned before the set of limiting beliefs I have feels glued to my DNA! This is preventing me from moving forward ie. preventing me from accepting to be the best version of myself.
I made progress, I earned more money, I got stronger, fitter and slimmer and then my limiting beliefs kicked back in and said: “Yep, that’s enough. Got to stop you there” “You know you don’t really deserve more, don’t you?!” At times the little voices even went as far as saying “You don’t really even deserve that much. it’s just a fluke“.
This all process of digging into my unconscious mind has been unpleasant. To understand that I had already recognised the issue and still couldn’t pass that phase hast been worst!
Somewhere above, I started by saying that knowing why you gained weight in the first place is important and I did not address this.
I won’t give too much info on this here. I had written a piece on this specifically and I never found the courage to published it. It started like this:
“Once upon a time, I was fit & slim and it lead me nowhere. In fact it lead me to troubles, lots of troubles.…
And so I got myself a little protective cushion. As I realised later, it didn’t do a great job at protecting me, but it did do quite a number on my self worth! Yet, I’m still a little scared to lose it. Not always, but sometimes the fears come back.
So now I know my ‘why’.
- Why I gained weight in the first place.
- Why I wanted to get fit again.
- And I now even know why I had to face the recent setbacks
Well, I’m not saying I got my shit together, but I’m certainly working on it! Now, I know what I’m facing, I know my demons and can fight back.
Hope you will too!