Birthday reflections – Honoring the journey

Life brings you the things you need most… when you are ready. Maybe a better way to say it is that life brings what what your soul needs. The tools and experiences that will make you grow, it brings the lessons that need to be understood.

We may want fame, success, a flawless skin, a full bank account and millions of Instagram followers but this is probably what our egos are wishing for, not what our souls want.

Note: this post includes affiliated links to… the book, obviously. If you decide to purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Admittedly, it may not feel that way to people who are suffering and in many desperate cases, it may not be true. People who are starving, people who suffer physically, people who do not have their basic needs fulfilled.

On the other end, for the ones of us, who have a relatively safe, healthy and fulfilling life, it seems to be on point!

There are plenty at times where I’ve seen the universe at play, in full mode.

Even recently, when I was pondering if I should get another client because of the mortgage on our new apartment. And then… well, the universe intervened in the best possible way! Some would simply call me lucky. Yeah sure, you may call it luck if you prefer. Luck with impeccable timing, relevance, etc.!

There has been too many synchronicities in my life to continue to ignore them. Too many events which may have not seem like blessings on their owns, but were actually there, to push me in the right direction or even save my life.

Admittedly, I did write a letter to my higher self, couple months back because not all was peachy and nothing seemed clear! It helped!!

And once more, recently, the universe brought me a gift…

Reflection on time, cycles and else

My birthday was coming, and I I was reflecting on time and for some reasons on cycles. I wrote a little about the seasonal cycles but that was really just scratching the surface. I also started an article on my personal cycles which I never published, as I felt it lacked a true insight or just wouldn’t be helpful.

Furthermore, I have also been pondering about 9 years life cycles. Yes it’s a thing! And if you look back at your life while dicing it in 9 years periods, you may be surprised of the recurring themes. Things that come back out of the woods when you truly thought you had dealt with them. People reappearing maybe, places you came back to, similar events happening again… It is quite fascinating actually.

Anyway, as you may have understood from other things I have published here, I have had ups and downs followed by some small health issues which are all sorted now. These things, this roller coaster of emotions, my complaining tummy, they may seem like unfortunate event. But in fact, these things have lead to big changes, amazing changes and an incredible year… so far at least!

In honestly, I didn’t have much to complain about before. My life is overall pretty good! Still, just like everyone else, I’m on a journey. There are things I need to process, dark corner of my soul I need to heal, old harmful habits to be kicked and so forth.

Women who runs with the wolves

And as the day of my Birthday was approaching, time was running out to place the order for one of the Birthday gift I wanted to get for myself – yes, I still heavily rely on online shopping and this may not change any time soon. Cart was ready but right then, something came up I had to handle right away. Tab was left open and when I came back, instead of checking out, I somehow ended up on an article about various books. Out of the 10 or so books described, there was one I instantly felt I had to read and immediately added to my cart.

Such book caught my eyes, I was instantly drawn to it.

Yes part of it was because of the title!! Women who run with the Wolves! To me, that sounds pretty irresistible!

But part of it was a much deeper feeling. The feeling that this was the book I needed to read, to take the next step on my journey. The book that would open up new ideas, new feelings and would guide me.

This was the book I needed now. I knew it.

Now I should mention that this isn’t a new book. It was first publish in 2008 it seems and received numerous praises, from famous readers a couple years back. So indeed, I’m late reading it! Over a decade late.

To me it simply means I was probably not ready. Not ready on such a journey, not ready for the messages it contains. Not even ready to understand it.

Oh Dear, if you are a sceptic, you may prefer to believe this is the power of google, or internet, or adds in general. It’s ok, I will keep believing the universe (maybe through the tool that is internet) wanted me to have this book for my Birthday, for the new year to come – a guide for the path I’m on.

If I want to believe this, it’s because google didn’t make me purchase a new pair of high heels. It didn’t make me purchase an expensive item, a must have kitchen tool or any other useless crap. If google made me do something, it is to buy an insightful book, full of wisdom and love. So if on your side, you prefer to believe in the power of internet, then you must know, that at this point, I’m rather thankful for it has been a wonderful Birthday gift!

Women who runs with the wolves - extract on instinctual powers

On being a woman as well!

Birthdays have not been my favorite for the longest time. Sure I usually took time off, but not to celebrate fancily on a remote island. Just mostly to avoid others! To take time off, for myself.

Within this already transformational year, in addition of thinking about cycles in general and how my journey has unfolded so far, I had been pondering about what femininity means to me.

Not that I necessarily want to bring this up, again, but accidentally becoming a biker and maybe even more importantly having entirely renovated and now owning a vintage motorcycle, had a whole lot to do with such reflections! #IsThisFeminine?!

When I’m on Minty, my heart opens, my blood races in sync with the engine, everything is bright and intense and I am. It’s just that simple. I am and I feel everything. It’s beautiful and liberating.

When I get off Minty, these feelings linger for a while but I unfortunately turn back to myself rather quickly.

The me who is partly riddled with fears. Fear of inadequacy, fear of wanting too much, fear of not achieving enough…

The me who is partly riddled with anger. Anger towards all the guys who looked down on me while on this project, anger at myself for the doubts and fears! Yes of course, it goes in circle…

There is also the part of me that has so much doubts about the future, about the things I should or shouldn’t do…

And the part of me who wonders if I’m feminine enough if I don’t care about make-up & don’t use nail polish! Wait I like jewelry! Is that enough?!

The list could go on, but you get the idea.

Being a woman isn’t easy. Especially, in a society that still has so many preconceived notions of what it means. Notions that definitively are slowly being shattered and trashed as they should!

The Wild Woman I am to become…

The journey has been quite a ride! And there is still a long way to go. Well, hopefully!

Women who runs with the wolves

Women Who Run With The Wolves – Contacting the Power of the Wild Woman by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

While the universe or google or both brought me this gift for my last Birthday, I can’t wait to see where I’ll be on the next one with such a magnificent and loving hand, to give me some guidance, through the darkest moments.

A few more words about the book

For a non English native, it is a little hard to read. It’s not often I am reminded that English is my second language. Not saying I have an astonishing English level, but it is still rare for me to have to take so much time to process.

Maybe it’s not about the English level, maybe it’s about the density of the content. Maybe it is about the message.

I am choosing to read this book slowly. I am letting the message sink in.

For now, and I can’t tell you if this is how the whole book is constructed, the author gives folklore stories and then proceeds to explain their meaning. It is quite mind blowing how children stories can be analyzed in such a deep way. Did the authors truly meant for these tales to be dissected in such a way? It is doubtful!

Nevertheless, I feel this is a book that deserves to be ‘digested’. Slowly, you want to chew every words, slowly you want to integrate the notions explained, the images given. It is not a book that you consume like a beach novel, no. It is more like a manual you want to remember. A guide on the sacred feminine.

Not everything will speak to me or to you and that is ok. It might later or not. It’s completely ok I think.

The maybe most important part is that it will open up new discussions within yourself and maybe lead you on the path to your next journey.

Women who runs with the wolves - table of content

Final words… I have to mention although it may sound weird!

A little before my Birthday, I watch Sex/Live on Netflix.

In the final episode, Sasha, Billie’s BFF, presents her new book on the Third Way. Her own feminist work on how women have shrunk themselves to fit men’s expectations and how the 3rd way is about honoring themselves and their feelings.. to return to that one true self.

Billie is touched by such presentation and run straight to her ex to have sex. It’s her 3rd way.

At first, I felt that she was just a horny, a little stupid, and mostly frustrated 30 something trying to be 20 again! Yes, very judgmental me. I’m sorry Billlie, I shouldn’t have.

The 3rd way didn’t seem to me about going back to the one, you once used to be. No matter how much you missed your wild years. To me it felt more like a balancing act, to find your new self, no matter where you are in life.

And then I started reading the Women Who Run With The Wolves and I started to understand. I no longer thought Billie was just annoying, selfish and horny. I thought she was just as complex and lost as any of use and was indeed looking for her new self, on her own terms. #TeamBillie!

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