My Dear Higher-Self…

The destination is the goal but the real reward is the journey… A life full of laughter, discoveries and joy, a life lived in excitement, a life that makes your heart desire more, is an achievement on its own. Yet, pain, fear, doubt and sadness are all part of the journey as well. Feelings, good or bad, make us who we are.

It is not just what we know, what we can do, our jobs, our house, our talents that define us. How we react to things, how we interact with others, how we treat ourself, our dear ones and strangers alike, are just as defining as these others things.

We are the sum of our experiences and how we handled them. Let it be with kindness, respect and love.

While confined between the walls of my home, within the tiny country I live in, I’ve been feeling restless as the urge to travel again has been taking its toll on me. I’ve been examining my relations to others, not feeling adequate in the way I handle things. I’ve been reasserting my priorities, wondering if those are truly aligned with myself. My true self? What does this even means? I’m scratching and scratching, unable to reach the core, unable to even read the notice, to get clues on the true purpose and proper usage.

I’ve been feeling like a piece of equipment which didn’t come with a manual. I’ve managed certain functionalities, the basic ones, but know there is much more that I can accomplish. If only I had the manual, maybe I could be functioning optimally. But then again, would I even read such manual if it was provided? If we were granted all the answers, would we follow the right path?

What is our true self? Our higher self, our divine identity… To understand the meaning of our true self, to listen to their voice, do we have to find the right channel first and learn a new language?

And since we are here, do we really stand on the shoulders of our ancestors? Do they hold the keys to our success? Did they really pave the way to who we are? Some would probably prefer to disagree, to detach themselves and see what they have accomplished alone.

Surely, most would recognize that in this material world, our ancestors have created circumstances for us, maybe a wealthy environment, maybe a very specific legacy, but then again it might as well be poverty, addictions or a long lasting line of physical issues.

So, do we also need to acknowledge their emotional burdens? Their spiritual paths? Are those also creating circumstances for us? If so, is it just the ones we have been closed to, or even the grand father or grand grand parents we never knew? How far back do you go and how do you even know who they were? It seems like an impossible challenge.

If our journey is dependent of the journey of our ancestors, their loves, their mistakes, do they guide us through the mud?

My head is spinning and I can’t detach myself from the thoughts of my own journey and where it is leading me. Nowhere near what I had imagine, not when I was 20, not later. Was I really seeing a destination? Was I intentional on my journey? No, not really it seems. Sometimes, yes… maybe… Did I ever truly knew where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be?

an angel

So, I’m writing this letter to you…

My dear Higher-Self,

I have the feeling that you are talking to me in my sleep, my nights have been crap and I’m restless. It really doesn’t help me at the moment. The thing is that most of the times, I can’t hear you and when I do, I don’t remember when morning comes. Well maybe it is you I hear during the day, maybe it is you who incite me to do certain things, always at the right moment. I’m pretty sure you’ve helped countless times. There has been too many perfect timings, too many happy coincidences, too many synchronicity, for those to not be, at least, partly your doing.

Well, I’m also convince I have several guardian angels because… I just wouldn’t been alive if it wasn’t for them. I do keep them busy. So maybe, they are also trying to offer some guidance. Maybe it’s not just you, so this message should be for you all, my Higher-Self, Angels, ancestors:

Guys, you really need to realize that, apart from the small signs I follow, the intuitions I get, the freaky premonitions, I just don’t get the big pictures! I don’t know if I’m on the right path, if I’m following the right directions or if I keep straying and you spend most of your time trying to push me back on the road. I really have no clue!

So guys, could you please just be a little clearer? Could you please speak out loud? Scream if you must! And could you please just tell me what it is I am supposed to do, especially when it’s important I do it? If you are going to help me, I will accept your help but don’t just give me hints, synchronicity, bits of info, here and there.

Guys, please don’t just send little signs.

I’m sure you remember that time when I asked a question and the song playing was like:

Well, you remember it took me a while to hear it! Yeah, I can be pretty deaf, dumb, blind & stupid at times, maybe even most times. That’s another reason, it would be great if you could just express yourself clearly. Plus I could add a further complain that the answer may have seemed to be ‘yes’ but you didn’t offer any further guidance, on the how to get there! What was I supposed to do with this?

Ok, I wasn’t trying to be offensive and didn’t want to complain. Let’s say this is constructive criticism.

I realize that it may be a lot to ask, that maybe it isn’t supposed to be this way. But you already come into my dreams, so surely you can ensure the message is crystal clear and that I remember it. If you offer visions, you can make sure I know it is you, not my crazy imagination. You know how much I doubt, you know how much I hesitate and tumble, so let’s make a pact that from now on, things are going to be clear, shall we?!

And I know everyone seems to think that such messages should be cryptic, like codes to be deciphered and lessons to be learned, the hard way. I’m going to have to disagree. Life is overall short and we have much to do, so we ain’t got time for cryptic. Time is of the essence!

So, yes (11 times if required!), I really believe that a bit more clarity (ideally a lot more) from you would go a long way and I’m pretty sure I’ll be grateful in the long run. Can we agree on this and get going?

On my side, I can’t promise I’ll always be confortable following your request or recommendations, but I can promise I will try my best. Is that enough? I’m not quite sure, but you can tell me.

Many many thanks in advance

Coco