April started with the feeling I was on the right path! A very optimistic feeling I was glad to have.

For the very first time, I was actually excited to tackle my biggest invoicing period yet! Everything was pretty much ready and I just had to ‘push’ a button. I just had to send them and this has been a difficult step. Not this time though!! I have changed, it seems.

And yet, after that, April kicked me in the gut and forced me to rest.

There were no major progress on the apartment. The painter, the carpenter, the plumber… they are all MIA. Sure, there were some Easter vacations but did they all take a whole month or what?!

My in-laws want to come visit in June. Clearly we’re going to have to make this June 2023!

Rest is good!

Weirdly enough, nowadays I have a different take on progress and delays. Nowadays, I accept more easily to pause, to not be productive, to not achieve much… and to rest instead.

I don’t blame myself for being lazy, like I used to. Instead I acknowledge my physical state and needs.

For one thing, life has proven to me time and time again that when something doesn’t work out right away, it’s usually because something better is coming.

Countless of times, I ‘received’ information that changed the project, its scope, or ways to handle it and it changed everything. If I had forced myself at first, it would have pretty much been for nothing or worst.

Journalling here and there, has really helped me to understand this.

If at times I lost sight at how blessed I am, I am also often reminded.

Indeed, rest is good! And it turned out that the month ended the same way it had started.

I’m happy again and ready for my next projects.

Time unfolding (yes, for me! I’m journaling!!)

First week: Invoicing, making little progress and trying to relax

No April fool, I got all of my invoices sent out by Sunday the 3rd! I was pretty proud of myself for doing so. All my accounting files were ready too and that’s no small feat.

After that I was more relaxed. If my invoicing had lingered, it would have dragged me down. Instead, I was able to handle things on my balcony while my kitchen was being worked on. Waiting for my little seeds to sprout now! I was also able to see my osteopath again, organise a few more things… slowly but with incremental progress.

Unfortunately, my computer managed to die on me. It seems I have lost a few files in the process and somehow, it didn’t stress me out. Luckily, I had bought a new laptop a few months back when I was offered a good a deal. I had not yet used it much and was still setting up things but I was sure glad to have it!

Loosing files seemed like a chance to start anew. To start better. A little weird.

And then it snowed! And it offered me a quiet and relaxing weekend. Something I desperately needed. I had not realised how exhausted I was. I forgot about the lights to be installed, the curtains to hang… I forgot about everything and slept and slept some more.

Second week: getting cash in!

When you send invoices, eventually you get paid! And you get to watch your bank account grow. Happy feeling 😉 Although to be honest, this feeling didn’t last, because one of my client pays super fast, when the other one doesn’t.

Anyway, it was time to take off to spend Easter with my Dad. Sadly, this did not come without a major setback. Another funeral I had to attend which changed my plans.

Somehow, it was made more bearable thanks to a glorious weather. Somehow, I was numb again. After that, I still managed to have fairly productive weekend.

A couple days before, I did consider camping. I hesitated. Weather was going to be warm enough but I still hesitated. I regretted not doing it! 😉

Next time!

Third week

My happy feelings went down the drain. I have simply been exhausted and everything had the power to trow me off the rails. I’ve been working on it. I’ve been trying, really trying. It hasn’t been easy. I hate myself for getting so mad. I hate myself for letting others treat me this way.

Fourth week

Well, let’s not dwell on this week. Going to stay cryptic because I don’t want to talk about this. It’s something that I needed to do for the longest time. It’s something health related and it’s painful. It went as well as it could and the good part is that it forced me to rest. I needed it to recover and some more.

The amazing thing is that I got all my camping gear out before ‘that’ and I’m ready for the next trip to my dad’s place!

In conclusion

April was not the month I had expected. I thought the apartment would be finished or at least the the big works would be done. It isn’t. I thought I would have my chromes back and that Minty would have wheels again. It didn’t happen. No wheels, no ride. I thought I would be exercising a lot, instead I slept a lot…

I keep on getting surprised! Stupidly surprised!! Last month, I somehow was surprised how much work I had on the back burner. This month I was surprised how exhausted I have been…

Go figure!

So basically, in April, not much happened as planned or hoped. Instead I slowed down significantly and I tried to find new ways. It really isn’t all that bad. It’s still a season of change…