January felt like life on standby

A new year has started!

I’m laying in bed, under the warmth of my duvet, in need of cosiness while watching the sunrise and typing these words. January is over and I’m glad.

Where to?
Like this tree, I’m not sure which direction to take

January was hard. It started glorious on Minty but I knew that after that it would be a difficult month. A month I had been working toward, head first. Trying to organize everything and yet, knowing very well that there would be plenty of things out of my control. Knowing it and accepting it are 2 very different things. I didn’t really accept it. I still tried to control everything. I obviously failed.

The sky is turning pink and I don’t know where I’m heading with this. Still simply journaling it seems.

I ended 2021 wondering if I’ll keep doing this. I don’t think that me journaling adds any value to this world. It does have value to me as it’s been an escape as well as an introspection that has been quite telling. It still shouldn’t be enough to hit the publish button.

I really wanted to make my 2022 monthly recaps different, if any, but it doesn’t seem that I have found how to do so just yet.

2021 ending in flames

This was 2021 ending in flames!

A jump into the void

By moving early Jan, I felt like I jumped into the void. Right now, I’m still falling into the unknown. Not really free falling though, it’s more like floating gently, at least most of the time. While a slight breeze is taking me into one direction, a gush of wind is pushing me suddenly into another.

The landing is expected in the new apartment, in February. Yet the wind might change again. It really doesn’t feel like any date can be certain. Many turbulences are still expected, as things are changing all the time. It has been exhausting to be on stand by like this. To be heckled, then left in peace, to get my hopes up, only to be heckled again.

It also doesn’t feel like the landing will be a smooth one either. I dreamed of landing in a new land where everything was perfect. I had a vision. It didn’t seem unrealistic. I tried to coordinate, I tried to make it happen… At every turn my vision was smashed. My new land will just be a big mess. Unfinished, full of boxes, full of people coming in in out to fix something. As I had mentioned before, I wanted to protect my space, not just from scratches but from people too. It isn’t going to be like this. Nothing is going to be the way I wanted it to be.

I had been warned. I didn’t really want to believe it.

Despite it all, I head into February happy

Is it the new moon? Is it because of the beginning of the Lunar Year of the Water Tiger? Maybe it is because after a month spent into an AirB&B, moving, even to an unfinished apartment, feels like a necessary step?!

Maybe it’s because I partially gave up on my expectations.

Most likely it is because I accepted that I’m still in the messy middle. The transition phase, the liminality.

I went back to last year July recap to recall and I liked what I wrote back then! Not self congratulating myself here, don’t worry 😉 I like it because I feel that this messy middle is getting closer to an end and I am actually excited about what lies ahead!

In my quest to move forward despite it all, I have found this article helpful:

Time unfolding (this part is really just for me!)

The first week in short: moving!

The first week of January was all about moving out of our old apartment and overall it went well. Even the weather was on our side as that day was sunny, while it rained the days before and snowed the days after!

We had moved in our temporary apartment the day before and had a slightly hard time to adjust. Such apartment is in a fairly newly constructed building and the energy there is very different than the one we were accustomed to.

It felt like the post-move cleaning process lingered. We had 3 days between the move and the day we gave back the keys and went back and forth every day to clean a little more. And a little more… But we finally gave back the keys and said our final goodbyes.

It wasn’t hard. At least not for me. I was ready, so ready to close this chapter. A chapter that had lasted a little too long.

The floors were installed in the new apartment but the dressing room wasn’t finished. Some doors were installed, but not all of them… Still no bathtub or no other fixture in sight.

Floors

The second week was about catching up & self-care

I usually issue my invoices on the first week of the quarter but I knew that this would get slightly delayed this quarter. I had done some prep work anyway so issuing my invoices wasn’t so bad.

Then I got to see my osteopath, which after the move, felt really good! And was so extremely needed. I didn’t realize I was such a mess. Even breathing was hard before that.

Later, I saw my dentist and then I got the covid booster… And OMG! I had been exhausted and didn’t expect it would go too well but did not anticipate, how bad I was about to be! Thankfully, it really only lasted 2 days or so. What a way to end the week.

Apartment wise, the remaining doors were delivered, not installed and no handles in sight obviously…

Got a pink bandage this time!

The third week was the down week

I crashed! Maybe it was the booster, maybe it was just the pressure getting down. So I wrote a lot. I exercised a lot too which felt really good after the previous week. And then I left to go se my dad and I was so glad to live!

Some rooms had received a second coat of paint. Some electrical sockets were installed. Nothing was finished. Still no bathtub or shower in sight.

The fourth week was about being back on track!

It started really well as I came back from my week end at my dad’s place. As usual I was tired but happy. Such an escape helped me face the rest of the month. I had worked on Minty and the wheel hubs will soon be beautiful as the rest.

I didn’t go see the apartment. I was too depressed by the slow progress! But apparently we now have handles on the doors that are there as well as baseboards in most rooms. The bathrooms’ faucets have been delivered.

On the 31st Jan…

Magic happened! Not only did I produced something that had been draining me just thinking about it but apartment wise, lots of things were done!

It’s quite funny how slow it was before we set a date for the key handover and how the works got done sooo quickly after that! Handles, faucets, sockets, alarm… blink and it’s done!

Overall

Overall, as I stated right at the beginning, January was hard. However it was also a productive month in a way. I had set small but achievable goals and felt like a boss for checking almost everything off my to do list.

I had also included plenty of down times and I made the most of these, without any guilt!

A couple things never got added to my schedule. I postponed them. In addition, one thing lingered longer than it should have and after my Don’t get bitter, get better piece, I really wanted to focus on such issue and did sort it by the 31st of Jan, pffff!

We are moving in very soon, so I’m just going to focus on this. Nesting if I could call it that way. In reality there’s going to be a lot of unpacking and probably despair… We shall see.