Reclaiming Mother’s day when you lost your mom

Mother’s day is hard when you lost your mother.

By the end of March, lots of articles start popping for the perfect Mother’s day gifts. It seems unreal and yet these pile up and the idea that Mother’s day is coming begins to sink in.

In the US, Mother’s day is celebrated on the second Sunday of May but in Europe, it is later toward the end of the month or even early June. This means one has to cope with weeks of advertisement and reminders.

This year, it was very confusing to me, at first. Like what are they talking about?!? It took a while for it to come back and I was like “yes, of course” Mother’s day! Silly me!

To a lot of people who have lost their mother, Mother’s day is difficult day. Some say the most difficult but I never quite felt that bad. Her actual Birthday and Christmas are harder for me, as well as the anniversary of her death. Mother’s day comes next.

Yet, since there are constant reminders online (because In Real Life isn’t a huge problem during a pandemic!), it is impossible to ignore even if you try. And with the realization that Mother’s day is coming, I got the painful reminder that my mother is gone and that I didn’t need to buy flowers or anything else. A reminder that no specific plans had to be made, no get together to be organized… nothing, nada, zilch. It hurt a bit.

Common recommendations on how to cope with Mother’s day when you lost your mother

There are plenty of articles online on how to cope with Mother’s day when your mother is gone.

From organizing a get together with friends who knew her, talking about her while sipping rosé, to accepting to feel jealous of others who get to celebrate, visiting her grave and bringing her flowers… including to reaching out to support groups.

You really should do what feels right for you. Not what society deems acceptable!

I don’t really want to expand on the list of things you could do but I think doing something, she liked to do, would be nice as well.

Reclaiming Mother’s day for myself!

Wait! I should probably start by saying that I am childfree. I’ve said it before but now seems an appropriate time to include a reminder that this was a choice, an absolute deliberate choice! #NoRegret

Since I don’t have children, I don’t get “celebrated” as a mother and this is absolutely fine by me. I’m no less of a woman for not having given birth to a myriad of offsprings. #ClimateChange

Mother’s day is a fairly modern celebration (it dates from the early 20th century) and has become so commercial, kind of like Valentine’s day, that I feel like its true meaning is getting lost anyway. Because you don’t need an expensive gift, to say I love you.

So this year, I decided to reclaim Mother’s day for myself! Actually, I’m going crazy and I’m going to reclaim the whole of May!! Well, part of it, because it’s a hectic month!

What does it mean? I’m not even entirely sure but I think it’s going to look like this:

  • I’m going to look at those mother’s day present list and consider if something would be a nice addition to my life
  • I’m going to do regular facelift massage and spa days at home
  • There’s going to be a lot more exercising and healthy cooking
  • Going to treat most weekends as a celebration to myself!
  • Going to congratulate myself everyday for the things I achieved
  • Going to tell myself a compliment every time I look into a mirror!

This isn’t a definite list but you get the point! #SelfLove and #SelfCare!

Simple, inexpensive, with potential great results. This is totally me!

Obviously, you would have to find what is right for you if this is something you wanted to try.

Caution tape around my heart by Miss Coco

Important reminder

If you’ve lost your mother too, you may need to hear this often:

Your mother wanted what’s best for you. She wanted you to have a beautiful fulfilling life, full of love, fun, adventures & experiences.

She never meant to leave you early but that is part of life. Yes, you can think of her often but she wouldn’t want you to let grief stop you from living, from being your best self.

Your mother is watching over you and everything you do is a celebration of her and the life she gave you.

So live your life & make it as beautiful as you can. This is really the best way to honor her.

I may tease her a bit too…

Let me explain!

My mother and I sometimes had a tense relationship. She was a hard headed woman, a strong woman with principles I didn’t necessarily adhere to. I was always a dreamer & a bit wild, as a child, as a teenager, as a young adult…

When my dad and I were roasting chestnuts by the fire, drinking wine and enjoying a pandemic free evening outside, as often, we discussed Minty (the motorcycle he bought when he was young and that we renovated – stories about such adventure on RTatW!). As we did so, I told my dad that if I was going to be a biker, getting a tattoo seemed to be a necessary next step! Yes a little cliché but I was joking & he laugh!

I proceeded to ask him what he thought Mom would think of all this. Would she be most annoyed by the fact that we renovated Minty, that I got my motorcycle driving licence, that I was driving Minty or by the tattoo?

Without any hesitation he said ‘by the tattoo‘!

I laugh too, but it stayed with me and since then, I often think about it and believe I really need to get one!

The pandemic means I most likely won’t be ale to do it for Mother’s day. Instead, maybe I’ll get to do it for her Birthday! And maybe that’s even better?!

Oh dear, I already know she’ll be coming in my dreams, to scream at me!! But at least, she will be there…

Hey, life has to be fun and pissing off my mother was something I often did when she was there, so why not!!

My dear, if you read up to here, please note that this last part was not meant to be taken as a recommendation to get a tattoo or be considered as an appropriate way to honor your mother! In no way, shall I be held responsible for whispering such a bad idea in your ear! 😉

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