Shamelessly childfree! No, I have no regrets!

Is it just me or are childfree women in the news more and more? Yet, there are still things that no one seems to say.

Baby elephant suckling - Mont Kenya

The elephant in the room! 😉

Yes, I’m very happy of my childfree life and I have no regrets! No I won’t regret it later, I’m no spring chicken and I know for sure I made the right choice.

Yet, while reading articles that have popped up on my feed or watching tiktoks, I’ve noticed a few things, a few patterns in the way things were said and I’ve learned a few things too, on bits I had never considered. I’ve also noticed the elephant in the room, the unpopular opinion that is not talked about.

Let’s explore!

There are still a lot of things I didn’t realise and these conversations had taught me quite a few things

First, let’s all notice that the childfree conversations are mostly about women, not men. Men can be childfree and no one is questioning their manhood for not procreating. Women, on the other end, are still considered as not fully realised, if they didn’t bear at least one offspring, preferably 2. It’s probably because men are considered as potential father material, much later in life and society still see the expiration date on women.

Second, it is amazing to me how many aspects of childfree women’s life are being dissected. Aspects I didn’t even realise would be different once children are in the picture or at least would not be of any specific interest. I’m very naive, I guess, but at the same time, I keep wondering why spend so much time dissecting childfree women life and routine?!

One thing that strikes me is how it seems to be a decision to be reflected on. How a lot of people, including childfree ones, think you need to explore your motivations and decisions. How a childfree woman needs to fully analyse her childfree journey… It seems so wrong, not just because people clearly do not spend as much time thinking about getting pregnant, which seems to be a much bigger decision.

No, you don’t need to try to find reasons for such a decision. If I say, I just don’t want kids, that’s it. And you don’t need to try to explain that it must be my own childhood trauma or else, that is preventing me from realising myself. You really don’t! I just really really don’t want kids.

For many, being childfree is indeed still depicted as a painful decision. Many women seems to need to give a detailed argumentation, to try to convince others that they really thought about it, that isn’t a decision made lightly. Why?! Really!? We don’t spend quite as much time making decisions about just as impactful aspects of our lives.

And apparently, society is wondering how could a woman still have a fulfilling life if she didn’t procreate? The exact thing she is put on Earth for! There are I’m sure course online or at least coaches to teach you how to do that. And all of this makes me want to vomit!

The one think that strikes me most is how it still is unacceptable to say you don’t like children!

A whole lot of childfree women seems to feel obliged to confirm they love children. They love being an aunt for example or they have a career taking care of other people’s children, give course or something like that.

It seems unacceptable, at this point in time at least, to say you are childfree because you don’t like children.

Well, I’m a childfree woman because I don’t particularly like children!

Some of my reasons include the facts that they are loud, they cry, they scream even when they are happy, they have tantrums, they are loaded with germs, they have snot up their nose, they are sick all the time, they vomit too often and most have bad manners. They can, every now and then, be funny and cute but overall they are uninteresting to me.

Yes, they will eventually grow and maybe even become decent human beings you can be proud of, but it will take 2 decades or even 3.

Then again some of these kids will become murderers, terrorists, wife beaters, child molesters, rapists… As one thing is for sure: all the worst people on Earth have had, at one point or another, parents. You’re almost lucky if your child just turns out stupid or lazy. You are vey lucky if your kid is average, and you hit the jackpot if your kid becomes someone decent.

No I’m not saying I was worried to raise the next most wanted man on the FBI list. I’m just saying there is no guarantees of happy ending and parents tends to not take this into account when exploring their motivation to have children, which they mostly don’t anyway!

To be honest, I don’t like kids but I don’t usually like their parents that much either. A lot of them are entitled just because they have reproduced. They are often extremely selfish, at least as long as their kids are still young. They are often depressed or maybe just exhausted, once these are slightly older. They sometimes become themselves again once the kids have left the nest, if there is something of their personality that can be salvaged from years of, what, some admit, feels like an emotional abusive relationship. It isn’t always the case but if it is, their quest to rediscover themselves is interesting.

Anyway, I’m digressing here, I just don’t like children and I don’t think I actually needed to expend on why. If I had said I don’t like chocolate, creepy crawlers or else, no-one would really ask me why.

And I’m not saying I would hurt them! I don’t! But then again, I don’t kill spiders either.

And yes, I’ll admit they are a few exceptions, kids I enjoy or have enjoyed, in moderation. There are even kids I love! And I love the person they are becoming.

So what I was saying here is that it is still unacceptable, even amongst childfree people, to admit that they don’t like children in general. Why is it so? Is it just not politically correct? I don’t know for sure but I wait impatiently to see what happens, in the next few years, with such discussions.

The more childfree women there are, the more attacks on women reproductive rights

The other thing I realised which is perfectly frightening is that the more childfree women are expressing themselves, the more politicians are limiting women’s abilities to stay childfree? Have you noticed?

Abortion rights are dwindling, accessibility to birth control is often made more difficult… It is impressive how old white men are scared of the childfree movement and the consequences for society.

Maybe this is more of a correlation than a causation, but I doubt. Sure childfree women are not the only reason for population decline but they do participate.

Less children now means a fall in consumption of goods and services, less taxes, less GDP… obviously less workforce in 2 decades or so and potentially, the worst of all, to some of them… the need for more immigration to compensate.

There is no limit, it seems, to what women need to face, to live their life on their own terms.

This seems to me like the most disgusting thing going on. The bullying, childfree women endure, which is done under religious belief pretexts and are just there to protect political agendas. Well, at least that’s what it seems to me.

Baby giraffe - Masai Mara, Kenya

My recommendations if you wish to remain childfree

When you are childfree and still young, one of the most annoying thing is people asking you all the time when you intent to have a child. It starts there and if you dare say you don’t want kids, they will go on and on with various arguments (love, old age, you’re selfish, blah blah blah…)

Here is my recommendation:

Be patient! Comments from family and friends will pass. After a few years, they will stop asking you.

If you don’t want to be patient, you can either be slightly mean and lie by saying you just had a miscarriage. They will be scared to ask again, at least for a while.

If you don’t want to be mean, say you are still thinking about it, trying, or something like that. Something non contentious which will hopefully enable you to change the topic quickly.

My point here is that most of the conversations about wanting to be childfree are sterile. The ones who insist you will regret not having children, will never be convince otherwise and you are loosing your time talking about this with them, just as they are loosing their time, trying to convince you. So change the topic!

Here are a few more recommendations based on some of the things I have heard recently:

You can have opinions, preference or else and not want to discuss them with close minded people. Save yourself! Not all battles need to be your battle. You get to chose. If you need to discuss this, find like minded people.

A lot of people will try to put their own expectations of life onto you. Don’t let them. Brush off their comments and life your life on your own terms.

You will be called selfish. Get used to it! It seems to be the number one argument of people who decided to have children because they were unfulfilled, because they want someone to take care of them when they get old, etc. They will, without realising it, give you all the reasons why they were the ones being selfish, for bringing a child into this world, and yet call you selfish instead. Refer to point 1 and 2 above!

It is not mandatory to like the presence of children, to want children of your own or to help with your friends, sibling or family children. Do not accept to be pressured in any way. Just don’t hurt the kids & avoid confrontations with their parents!

It is not mandatory to have an amazing career, an impressive bank account, or have any sort of incredible achievement to your pedigree, to justify your choice to be childfree.

Sure you can spend a lot of time questioning your decision, but you can also live your best life, make your own path, enjoy every moment, learn new things, do what pleases you, become a better human… You have a lot of opportunities in this world, explore, enjoy and be your most fantastic self. Far better use of your time than questioning your decision with ‘what if’!

Life your best lives, my dear childfree friends!

Here is a series of pictures of my recent trip to Kenya of mommies and their babies! Far more interesting!

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