December: Surrendering or giving up?

November was pretty awful. Never have I hated being in London so much.

I came back home feeling exhausted but I guess happy – Happy to have finally escaped. And then I hated feeling this way.

In the middle of so much hate for everything and anything, I’ve been asking myself: what the hell does the Universe wants to teach me? What is my lesson here? It’s going to be Christmas and once more I’m miserable, overworked, overstressed, pissed off, about to chop someone’s head, more than one person probably! (No need to call the cops, I won’t). Why?!

I kept wondering and asking and it felt like I would never get an answer. And one morning, as the sun rose up, somehow I was told once more: surrender.

I felt lighter, I felt something lifting off my chest.

I went back to London and I actually was different. I wasn’t fighting anymore, I was simply there.

Last sunrise of 2022!

This is actually the last sunrise of 2022 ❤️

Something else happened, which surprised me…

When I came back from my second London trip, I walked in my apartment happy. It felt good. For the past 10 months now, it has always felt like we were renting an unfinished AirB&B. It didn’t feel like home. It still isn’t finished but for some miraculous reasons, it felt home for the first time. It felt right. It only took 10 months!!

Forewords

With December another year comes to an end and despite the difficulties it brought, I’m happy. For once, I’m happy I kept up with this series of articles. Even if they are only interesting to me. Going back to some of these, I acknowledge the changes, the ups and down, the realisations, the struggles… Some months, I was particularly chirpy, some months I was awfully down and it’s all ok. It is all worth remembering as life unfolds and I am becoming more and more who I’m supposed to be.

Yes, I’m happy with where life is going. And indeed, I am happy for the woman I’m becoming.

It may not seem like much but learning about oneself and learning to love oneself can be a whole lot of work to some people!

Quick updates

Apartment progress: one more lamp installed! You must be wondering how many lamps there is in our apartment!! It’s crazy to take that much time to handle.

Physical wellbeing: I haven’t exercise regularly, I haven’t paid much attention to what I eat. My trips to London were filled with sandwiches on the go and cold diners. And yet, to my utmost surprise, my body is ok. It’s better than ok. My tummy is ok. Sure I did catch a bad cold in London, but I did recover super quickly.

Second bike renovation: I haven’t talked about it a whole lot because progress are super slow. When I’m at my dad and have the opportunity to ride Minty, I do! Plus we still had Minty’s wheels to handle this year and the Peugeot renovation really stalled. Oh well, it’s ok! That’s a nice 2023 goal if you ask me!

Sewing, drawing: 2023 is a new year!

Time flying by

1st very short week:

I had one day to get work done and then head to my father’s place. Surprisingly I accomplished a lot in a such a short amount of time. Surprisingly I accomplished even more when at my dad’s place. Getting things ready and even getting time to write.

I spent the weekend exhausted but I did manage to rest a lot and still do a lot. Christmas tree is up, I did some of the shopping I had to do. Minty got some TLC… It was a good weekend.

However, I was absolutely dreading going back to London.

On a side note, I should confirm that I came back home just in time to open the first door of my advent calendar. Now, I have said last year I’m not an advent calendar girl! I had bought Pam’s calendar to support her business. This year, a friend gifted a calendar to me and I don’t know why!

Advent calendar are not a good experience to me! I do not recommend. I had to leave again the next day, without opening any of the other doors and it was frustrating!

Advent calendar

Torture in progress!!

Second & third week

This week, I had 2 days to handle work before going back to London! Yep yep!

I didn’t want to go, I had almost promised myself to not go back but I had to. So instead I promised to handle things differently. I did somehow slow down on my visits significantly but I also had so much work that I didn’t get to play tourist or do any shopping. It was also so cold. I don’t remember ever being that cold even when I lived there.

And yes, I caught a cold and had to drag myself to the airport to get back home. Instead of 3 days of work, I had to sleep and recover. And drop off my partner at the airport… again.

At least I managed to do a lot, over the weekend. Alone at home felt great! As I mentioned above, one more lamp has been installed!

London snow

It snowed in London and it was quiet for a while

Fourth week

I finally started the week feeling much better. I exercised a little, I worked a whole lot. 4 days well spent if you ask me.

It seemed at first that I was going to drown but everything came into places and worked out perfectly. And it was already time to head to my dad’s place for the end of the year celebrations.

I had managed to plan Christmas gifts in advance and other little bits and I was very relaxed when it came. The only think left was wrapping and cooking! And I didn’t even do the cooking! so chill!!

A very quiet Christmas was just what I needed.

Vegan bourguignon

My partner cooked his famous vegan Bourguignon that week and it was superb!

Fifth week

We are building a ‘tree house’! It will take a while but by the end of the week, we had made great progress, visible progress! OK ok it doesn’t look like much but in my head it does and it will be amazing!

It’s a bit of a miracle we managed to do what we did, because I pretty much took 2 naps a day and let me tell you: that makes time fly by! But I needed this, I needed to rest and my dark circles are now a lot less visible.

Christmas gift

I got an amazing late Christmas gift for that!! 🙂

What’s ahead?

Changing year doesn’t magically make your whole life different. You can set new goals and yet, you are the same person as long as you haven’t acted on such goals. So for me January won’t be a revolution! I will probably have to go to London, again… I will start January with my invoicing and accounting, like always…

I’m not really aligned with our regular calendar so I’m not in any rush in January. I tend to wait for the Chinese new year to slowly awaken from my hibernation phase.

So it might look like there is nothing exciting in sight for the New Year, but I actually have been thinking of 2023 for a while and my heads has been filled with happy dreams. I just have to turn them into reality!

Happy New Year!

Finally we got to grill chestnuts

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