What does it even means?

I’ve been pondering a lot about this since I read somewhere, someone saying that being a functional adult doesn’t mean you are strong and independent. It doesn’t require praise. It actually is the bare minimum.

Bamm! Wait, what?! Actually it is, isn’t it?

You have a job and pay your bills? That means you manage your finances. Good for you.

You have a roof over your head and do the cleaning and the laundry. You cook and take care of your health? Good for you as well.

Do these things make you special? Do these things means you have special powers? Do you need praises? No, no and no. You are just a functioning adult and that is the bare minimum.

So why have we got into our heads that every time we manage to achieve the tiniest goal, stick to a routine or else, we deserve some kind of medals, or at the very least a pat on the back for being so great?

I fell into this trap as well!

To be honest, I can’t even count how many times I’ve written that I’m a strong independent woman, but I know I have, many times!

Indeed, I’m independent professionally. In addition, I’m not married and have no kids and until recently no mortgage. I’m free! …or so I thought!

And it hit me that my independence might be more fear of commitment than love of freedom! Sure there is part of me who always liked the idea of being able to just snap my fingers, let go of everything and move on. Much easier with a lease than a mortgage! But I think now that even that feeling was fear based. Fear of something bad happening and having to jet off quickly. Fear of boredom that hit me so hard that I have no choice but to move on, quickly. Something like that.

Sure, I do check some or most of the boxes of the common lists of what it means to be independent, the ‘how to’ list and else you can find online! Big deal! Most people do because these lists are just made to make you and I feel special.

We have put the bar so low

I have a theory that maybe all of this is coming from those educational trends where children were getting trophies for just participating, an A for efforts, praises for just showing up… I don’t know if it still is a thing but it seems that now, the bar is so low that everybody is expecting praise for just being.

So you have values and standards and you know how to express your needs? You have boundaries and do things that make you happy? You are a functioning adult! Bravo! No trophy, I’m afraid.

In reality, being a functional adult is nothing special and we have simply put the bar so low that we are giving praise or expecting praises for something that is nothing remarkable.

At this point, the only superpower I want is to not give a f@$!ck

Maybe I’m becoming an adult because not giving a f@$!ck to all of this, all the labels, all the little boxes found on social media, in the news, in articles, in life is my new goal.

Having said that, I’ll probably still read a few of these articles! Some content is worth reading and pondering. Some content makes you realise things, including that you don’t want to be bothered by such topics anymore! And I’ll admit some content creators are shaking things up, whiteout trying to be controversial for the sake of it and I’m thankful for that.

Praise to the makers, the doers, the dreamers, the adventurers…

To impress me, one has to do something meaningful and to do it well. As I made it clear I think, simply being a decent functioning human doesn’t cut it. It is just a prerequisite.

It doesn’t mean I’m a heartless b$!&tch. At least, I don’t think I am and I’ll give you 2 examples to try to convince you.

Recently, a friend of mine was offered a job she didn’t feel comfortable with. Knowing her, I knew she was considering taking it anyway, as she was very much afraid, to not get another opportunity. To my upmost surprise she rejected it! She was petrified but she managed to let go and beautiful things followed, including but not limited to, another much better job offer!

I was ecstatic for her and told her, in 1000 words, how proud I was of her! Because I knew how hard it was for her to reject the first job offer, despite being the most important thing she had to do then.

Another example of a little thing that I believed deserved praise relates to my partner’s vintage car. He took me for a ride recently and managed a couple beautifully done double-clutch gear shifts. You see he had struggled to managed that for a while and now does it pretty well.

Most importantly here, when I praised him, he was a little shocked!

And that’s when I realised and explained to him. When he takes out the trash, it isn’t an achievement and I refuse to put the bar so low. When he manages seamless double clutch gear shifts, it’s a different story. He understood my position and even agreed. I could even tell by his smile that my acknowledgement of this meant the world to him, because it was meaningful and my praises were sincere.

Convinced? Hope so!

You see these weren’t Everest like achievements but were still important to both these persons.

I believe praises are much more valuable to the person’s self esteem, when they are received for something they value.

So go for it! Be a decent functioning human but please also do meaningful things! Be creative, climb a mountain, challenge yourself, set boundaries and respect them, take care of others, plant trees, surpass yourself & your fears, excel in your field, save puppies… and remember that what ever you do, you also need to be your own fair cheerleader!

Note 1: Not praising basic actions of functional adults is fine. Being rude and not saying thank you is not.

Note 2: Hopefully you noticed this isn’t about strong independent women, it’s about strong independent humans! I hope this note was superfluous but just in case, I’m writing it!

Note 3: it’s not the first time I write about this topic. I also created my own independent woman starter kit! You should check it out, I think it’s funny!!