Why? Hum… let’s see… where to even start!?

Welcome to another instalment, in my monthly series of not so interesting writing. The only thing I managed to write this month. Considering how October went, it isn’t that surprising.

Let me start by saying that I feel too young to deal with the things the Universe is throwing at me. My parents had me late, very late and I had to deal with that all my life. In school, my friends thought my mom was my grand mother, it was painful. Later, I saw her decline and 5 years ago, I had to deal with her passing. October has become a month I dread for it is the anniversary of such an event.

This year was not so different. I knew I was going to be difficult, to say the least, because of my dad’s surgery. I didn’t know that it was only the beginning of the nightmare.

I can try to reassure myself by thinking of all the people who suffer far more than me. Yes, I know despite all that follows I’m privileged. It doesn’t make my heart hurt less.

Tiny follow ups

Sewing! Yep, I did some sewing! It had been so long. Well, appart from some curtain hems. See week 3 below if you want to know more!

Health? Well, there can be hope that one day, I can get ‘back on track’. But honestly, I think I’m mostly going to have to adapt and find ways to include self-care in a permanently disrupted life. I just don’t know how to yet.

Budget? Down the drain with the emergency trip to London and its consequenses. See week 4 below if you want to know more.

Time unfolding

It doesn’t look that bad at first. Messy, yes. Stressing, sure… but it gets sad.

First week

My dad was getting his first cataract surgery and I spent the whole week with him. Mostly trying to make sure he wasn’t doing anything stupid that would hinder his recovery. Babysitting if you will!

Overall I was a nervous wreck. My dad seems to always get medical issues handled in October and every trip to the hospital is literally pinching my heart.

Look, I know cataract surgery is a routine procedure. It was still nerve wreaking for me. Waiting in the hospital parking lot, while he was in the operating room brought back memories and feelings that, well, I’d rather forget but can’t.

It all went well and on a totally different note I’m very proud to say I managed to finish my quarterly invoicing and send all on time. That is one goal I achieved in 2022: to be super organised and efficient when it comes to invoicing my clients!

He is a grown man, he should take responsibility for his own health but I know part of him just want to be reunited with my mom. It was hard to leave but I had convinced myself that my life couldn’t stop so I left and went in Germany for a weekend at a vintage car and motorcycle fair! That was fun.

Veterama!

Second week

Back home, I dealt with the break issues my partner got with his new car. Well, I say ‘new car’ in the sense that he got it 3 weeks ago, because it is definitively is not a new car!! But it surely is the cutest!

I don’t know how I managed to work in between!? It was kind of a miracle that I survived this week as well.

And off to my dad’s place again…

Choupette gets new brakes!

Third week

I had to go early to be with my dad on the anniversary of my mom’s passing. It wasn’t as hard as I had anticipated.

While my dad was having his second eye handled and was recovering, I had to work. It isn’t how I like to spend my time there.

But I also spent some quiet time sewing. I had brought my sewing machine as we had to redo the camping chairs we use in winter when grilling chestnuts. Once done, I sew a glorious amazing cape for Halloween. I just didn’t know at the time that it would be for Halloween 2023, not 2022…

Glorious, warm, flowy… and yet I failed Halloween!

The other good thing is that I still managed to go for walks on the regular and my dad and I went together mushroom picking.

Now the big issue is that I kept on finding ticks on my skin. Usually just before getting to bed.

And… one evening, a fu%@!ing tick got in my eye!

I was in bed, I felt something and got up really quickly. Looked into the mirror and there, I saw it on my eyelid. I tried but I didn’t manage to grab it and it went into hiding in my lashes. As I was still trying to grab it, it crossed my lashes and crawled into my eye. Fu$!cking hell?!

I tried and tried to get it out, with my nail and by flushing it out with eye drops. I ended up rushing to the Hospital at 10pm. Unfortunately, the emergency line was 4 hours, so I went to the bathroom there, got the tweezers of my Swiss army knife out and actually managed to remove it from my eye. It had not yet bit into my eye.

The nurse at the emergency didn’t think it was a good idea to put tweezers in my eye. I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep a tick there, for at least 4 hours!

There are plenty of mushrooms pictures here that we did not pick! Only pick what you know!

Fourth week

Back home! I hoped I would have a bit of time to crash but I also knew I had appointments for works on the apartment, a few social events and personal appointments to handle. So actually, despite my aspirations, I knew very well that rest was out of sight and that I would need to get going. A girl can still dream!

What I didn’t know was what the universe was about to send me to hell.

While I was enjoying a small tiny moment of peace… I got the email that started it all. My partner’s aunt, who lives in London alone, was admitted to the hospital. We rushed to get tickets to go see her and it all got worse from there. We know now it’s going to get worse and worse, for her and for us.

To top it up, just in case this wasn’t enough, while in London, on of my cousins called to let me know her mother has passed away.

I’m strong, but there are limits to what the universe can trow at me. It got to stop.

First evening walk. It felt good for just a little while to be back in London.

In short

I must admit that some moments in October were fun. The day I spent repairing the brakes of my partner’s car was one of these. An out of time and space moment. A bubble that nothing from the outside world can penetrate. Obviously, the weekend in Germany was one as well.

However, a lot of the month was spend with my heart being squeezed in my chest, my body aching, my brain foggy. Worried, desperately worried. Helpless, waiting for some news, waiting for someone to call back, waiting for the worst…

Oh and I had plans for November. Things were going to get better. I was looking forward to it. Holding on because I knew it was just temporary. For example, I thought that with my dad’s new eyes, we would soon be able to go back to see our wrench to handle the engine.

I even had plans for Halloween and my glorious cape.

All my hopes were crushed by the email about my aunt in law and with every days that followed.

And I just realised my partner and I didn’t celebrate our anniversary. We were just miserable on the 31st.

This piece wouldn’t be complete without another pretty sunrise!