A bimonthly recap? What is going on?!

A trip to London, a long weekend to see my dad, eventually a week-end at home… rinse and repeat and everything gets blurry. This is life for the foreseeable future and somehow, I almost make the most of it, as I’m getting slightly better at setting up boundaries.

I wasn’t really looking forward to June but I was looking forward to July which included my Birthday week! It didn’t go as planned. Way too hot for me to achieve anything and I only rode Minty twice. Better than nothing I guess! Between thunderstorms and the scorching sun, it was never the right time to take off. It was even too hot to take nice naps!

It all went like a blink of an eye.

Nugget of wisdom: It is not your job to fix your partner

I’ve been with my partner for a long time. It seems some people feel like we have figured it out. They ask for advice. They want to know our secret!

They don’t see how we do not have it figured it out. How flawed we are, how flawed our relationship is. The longer you are on this Earth, the more you know deep down that no-one has. Everybody is making it up along the way. On every single topic! Including relationships.

We recently had a discussion which turned sour and left me puzzled. I backed down, I gave up. I realised there was no way out. Nothing I could do to help. He has to figure it out on his own. Most importantly he has to want to and he clearly doesn’t, at least not yet.

It made me sad. A little angry too or maybe just frustrated. I had to accept it anyway.

No everybody is going to grow at the same pace, including your partner. No everybody is going to learn.

Everybody think they are right. Yes, I think so too. It’s almost impossible to bridge the gap.

In my view, there is a ‘right’ way and a ‘wrong’ way to handle most things. The right way doesn’t leave you depleted of your energy, it doesn’t keep you up at night, it doesn’t make you sick to your stomach or else, whereas the wrong way does.

He isn’t on the right path, in my opinion, but I won’t let him drag me down. I will wait for him on the other side, with a helping hand. That’s the best I can do while leaving my life.

Road blocks and brain fog

My Birthday plans were glorious as they included a road trip on Minty. But realistically it was just too hot and anyway my partner had decided to plan something else, which derailed my own plans. Some have been fired for less, I believe and I’m considering it!! Anyway, no road trip 😦

I’m having troubles crossing the finish line on lots of different things. For example, we (finally) built the doors to hide the CMV conduits but the latch bought was the wrong kind, so they still don’t close properly. Great progress were made in our cellar, but it still won’t fit everything it should… Most things seems ok but are actually unfinished. It annoys me! Well, at least, most of the art pieces we have are now proudly hanging on the walls!

Maybe it’s the heat, but maybe it’s all these little unfinished projects that are causing or amplifying my brain fog. Too much to remember to do, too little time, too many other priorities… I don’t know, but I’ve had troubles focussing, writing, drawing or else. I’ve had troubles doing anything really. Even thinking!

Hence my absence here, hence this bimonthly recap… The issue is real!

I got to learn and test new things! Mechanic and woodworking!

Gratefulness and achievements

Remember that my life nowadays is split between home, my dad’s place and London. So in no particular order:

I’m thankful for my long weekends in London which were nice. All were productive but most importantly I’ve recently realised that I’m creating new bonds with new people. Interesting people, with interesting background & interesting stories. Admittedly this is done in the most peculiar circumstances!

This may sound weird but I have actually welcomed the sleepless nights I had. Marvelling at the stars, having to let my mind wander, letting go… It’s been a challenge and a blessing. Please remember I don’t have a regular 9 to 5 so I was always able to get back to sleep and still have a normal day! Which is also something I should be grateful for.

My client has been paying my invoices and I love my banking app which shows all the money coming in as green and the money coming out as red. It sounds silly but seeing lots of green makes me happy! Happiness is in the little things! 😉

I’ve made great progress on a silly project I’ve been working on at home and although I had not realised how time consuming it was going to be, I like the process. Spending time on my things, not worrying about work is paramount for me. Being in the flow, forgetting about responsibilities, forgetting about time… I need this.

Yes, Im’ grateful for our still unfinished apartment (despite what I say in the above section), riding Minty, having my dad around and still getting to enjoy the time I spend at his place, my professional status which allows me to take time for myself and for him, my health, body and strength, my financial situation, my numerous projects…

This month I also want to highlight that I’m grateful for my friends, especially the ones who challenge me to reconsider my perspective. Yes, I can be judgemental. I do tend to see things only from my point of view. I’m thankful they make me question this.

What I read: rereading 1984, an old financial book & another self-help book!

I don’t know why. 1984 & the old financial book jumped at me when clearing some shelves at my aunt’s place.

I couldn’t finish 1984, too gloomy for me at this point.

I was surprised by the financial book. Somehow it was interesting to see cycles repeating themselves, somehow it was funny to see how unpredictable things still are. Maybe it’s a good thing!

As for the self-help book, it’s an airport impulse buy! Haven’t finished it so we will see.

Looking forward

If in June I was looking forward to my Birthday and my Birthday week, I’m no longer looking forward to much. August is going to be another hectic month with work and obligations and not many fun plans.

My brain is foggy and at the same time I’m on a ‘to do’ mode. Finishing as much as possible the organisation of the apartment has felt like a priority. Something preventing me from moving forward with other projects. I can’t stand seeing boxes here and there. It’s been too long. It’s taking a lot of mental space.

So on with more DIY work with the shelve in my dressing!