Never, ever rely on your partner’s finances.

It seems that, after decades of fights for women’s rights, men are finally noticing that women don’t need to depend of them to live their best life. It scares them deeply. Wait, let me rephrase this: it scares some of them deeply. #NotAllMen !

The old model whereby men are the providers and women stay at home and take care of everything has been shattered. It has been for a while, but it seems that maybe the consequences are only becoming obvious now. They are maybe becoming obvious to the new generations of men who not only can’t even hold their end of the bargain but also can’t take care of themselves.

They are becoming obvious to society who is starting to face the consequences.

It seems that for decades, women have slowly gained their financial independence but still accepted to be in the old model. They stayed quiet about the money they were making. They still did most of the chores at home, they still juggled with the kids and everything else, while being boss girl.

Now? They are tired of it. Why should they have to do it all afterall?

And the more women are gaining their independence, the more vocal the Tates and alike are being. Because they are scared. Because they have no clue how to deal with such shift.

So they attack women on all fronts. They make up the most ridiculous theories on what it is to be a woman, for clicks and likes. And somehow manages to find an audience of men who are so incapable to get their shit together, that they prefer to blame it on women, rather than face their own flaws.

The Tates and the likes?!

If you are a young woman, don’t fall into the trap. If you are older, know that it’s never too late.

First, don’t listen to these men, or even sometimes women.

Second, and this is the most important: work on your financial independence.

Money buys freedom

Our drunk neighbour has finally been taken by the police, maybe sent to rehab or something like this. Maybe after at least a year of verbal abuse, he got physically violent with his wife. Maybe not. We will never know.

In any case, he was a nightmare of a husband and she stayed anyway.

What I suspect is that she stayed despite it all, for 2 reasons. One is because she orchestrated this to get the apartment. Not sure how it would work and you may think I’m crazy mean, to think this but there is something about the way she was when the police came, something about the way she behaves since he is gone. She is like a free woman, she is happy.

Is it normal to be happy that your partner has been taken by the police? No, not if you have a healthy relationship!

But you see, it is fairly obvious that she was not financially independent and this is the second and most important reason why she stayed. Like so many other women who stay in abusive relationships.

Money buys all sorts of freedom and for women, maybe the most important of them all: freedom from abusers. But it’s not just money.

Financial independence is the best gift you can give to yourself

Being financially independent isn’t just about the money you are making.

It’s about the knowledge you get while making money and managing your money.

There are a lot of practical knowledge to gain to be financially independent and it isn’t just based on how much you are making. Budgeting and respecting your budget, investing and understanding your options, optimising taxes… These area are already a lot to comprehend and apply confidently.

But there are also things like networking, applying to jobs, being good at interviews, negotiating your employment contract, a raise or a severance package. Maybe launching a business which requires a whole lot of other knowledge.

Most of the skills needed to become financial independent could look daunting at first, or at least boring but they are great gifts to yourself to master.

But these are mostly practical skills and there is more…

It isn’t a solution to all but a step in the right direction

In many abusive relationship, control over the family finances is the foundation of the abusive dynamic. Even for women who do have money as they may have relinquish the management of such money to their husband, gave up their career or else.

This isn’t the case in just abusive relationships. How many women suffer from divorce simply because they never handled their own finances properly while married and suddenly have to face such a task, which seems unbearable at first?

Maybe you are right now in a happy relationship but ask yourself these questions: If tomorrow, something went wrong with your partner, what will you do? Where will you go? How would you pay for it?

If you’d have to go back to your parents or land on a friend’s couch, then you have a work to do.

Of course money isn’t a solution to all problems, but who could seriously deny it helps greatly?!

As indicated above partly because of all the practical skills you learn on your way to financial freedom.

But maybe most importantly, because of the other things you learn along the way.

Becoming financially independent is a process for most and you can watch yourself grown, hopefully while watching your bank account do the same!

Obviously, this isn’t going to work for all women but for most, it will require fighting their own demons, maybe fighting what they were taught about money, discovering their worth, accepting their worth…

It is going to take a lot from some, it will be easier to others but such a journey will likely lead to lots of discoveries about oneself.

And maybe the greatest gift is the confidence that comes with such a process!

Go for it!

Don’t forget to look back to see how far you have come!

An interesting read to go further on abusive relationships and finances. I think we all have a lot of wrong preconceived ideas on the topic. I certainly have but I’m trying to educate myself.